Communicating Through Conversation

Oh man, I don't know what to say to these people. I'm just going to sit here in my corner and pretend I'm wearing invisibility spray.

Starting a conversation or breaking in on a conversation can be very tough. When I took Dale Carnegie classes 25 years ago we were taught that people loved to talk about themselves, so let them. That's all well and good but you do have to contribute to a conversation to be part of it. Otherwise you start giving people the 'stalker alert' heebie jeebies.

Single person households in the United States increased by 21 percent in the 1990's which might explain why our converational skill set seems to be waning. We have nobody at home to practice conversation with. Well I do - I talk to my dog all the time. I say 'walk' and she runs around in circles. I say 'treat' and she runs around in circles. You can see where this is going.

But conversation with real people requires a bit more skill than a conversation with a dog or cat. I recently picked up a book called The Art of Conversation by Catherine Blyth. She's a funny British woman with some very witty observations about conversation. Her book provides everything from tips on small talk to appropriate topics to the fine art of flattery. At the end of each chapter, she also provides "The Typology of Bores, Chores and Other Conversational Beasts". If you find yourself described in this box, you need to rethink your conversational skill set. Blyth gives rules for each situation and I have to say that reading this little bible of information is fun, it's also very useful.

One thing Blyth and Carnegie agree on is that good listeners make good conversationalists. That doesn't mean you stand (or sit) there with your eyes glazed over nodding. It means you're actually hearing what the other person is saying and your responses continue the conversation, rather than steering it in another direction.

What to talk about
You can be a good conversationalist with just a little work on your part. If you have a dinner party or event to attend, during the day switch your radio to a news station at the top of the hour and listen to the five minute news cast. Read the newspaper - not just the horoscopes and sports, but other sections like entertainment and business. And something that will really make it easy for you to start or carry on a conversation is to have information about something that interests you.

Online is a natural place to look up information about so much stuff - what interests you? Start googling - home decor, home renovations, cars, pets, travel, French cuisine, movies, books, gardening, making stained glass windows, building bird houses. Find out some information on what makes you tick so that you can actually be informed. You'll be amazed at how much better you can communicate when you can have a conversation.