The title of this post are the words of King George VI as told in the movie "The King's Speech." It's a wonderful movie and one I highly recommend, especially to communications professionals.
It's easy to forget that communications does not come naturally to everyone. When we live and breath it as part of our daily work, we an easily take it for granted. In this movie, Colin Firth had me sitting forward, gripping the arms of my theatre seat and almost gasping for air as he struggled, in his portrayal of King George VI, to utter a few simple phrases. The affliction was worse depending on who and how many people he was addressing.
It's heart wrenching to realize how many people really struggle, every day of their lives, to have their voice heard. A voice can mean a lot of different things too - it can mean the straightforward act of speaking, or it an mean the plight of a minority group trying to be heard by the masses. It can be a child who doesn't get attention or love, despite all the toys and clothes heaped on it. A voice can be a stand against abuse or neglect. We all have a voice - but are we able to make it heard?
The movie "The King's Speech" touched me on so many levels, certainly as a communicator who helps others get their voice heard, but also as the daughter and friend of women who have died of cancer, and as the witness of bullying in the workplace. It touched me as the ex-wife of an alcoholic, and as the aunt of a beautiful, intelligent teenager.
Because I have a voice, I share my knowledge and experience here on this blog, and in my work and personal life. I encourage you to let your voice be heard too.
Showing posts with label conversation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conversation. Show all posts
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
A Communication Train Wreck
Last night I was riveted to the television watching an hour long interview with Jake and Vienna from last year's Bachelor talk about their break up. In my own defence, there was nothing else to watch and this was such a train wreck, I couldn't seem to stop watching it.
It was just a bad match up from the get go. No, I don't watch Bachelor on a regular basis and didn't watch it last year. But I do often read covers of tabloids when paying for my groceries. It seems obvious to me that if you put two egomaniacs together you're going to have a problem. Big problem.
However, I want to talk about the one communication issue they had that also drives me nuts. Throughout the interview Vienna basically didn't want to let Jake have a word in edgewise - and when she did stop talking long enough for him to make a comment, she interrupted him or talked over him to make her point or disagree with him. SO MANY PEOPLE do this. In this case it was a big red flag for a crumbling relationship but what about when it happens to you in the work place? Your ability to communicate your thoughts or ideas are seriously hindered when someone with interuptitis is in the room.
For someone with interuptitis, the most important sound is their own voice. Nobody has anything as important to say as they do and they'll make sure you get so frustrated you just give up. I've tried meeting these people head on with the same tactic Jake tried last night "Will you please stop interrupting me?" Which they do until you open your mouth again. Then you just scream in frustration or stomp off in anger.
The reality is - they don't hear you when you talk anyway. You can't force them to listen to you - any time they pause they are thinking about what they are going to say next, not what you are saying now. And I don't really think there is a solution to fix these people - but you can make sure you aren't one yourself. Remember from a previous post - listening is the most important part of a conversation. Be a good listener. Speak softly, it forces other people to pay closer attention. Save your comments for really important observations, and people will start to anticipate your wisdom and let you talk. And if possible, stop inviting Interuptitis to your important meetings.
It was just a bad match up from the get go. No, I don't watch Bachelor on a regular basis and didn't watch it last year. But I do often read covers of tabloids when paying for my groceries. It seems obvious to me that if you put two egomaniacs together you're going to have a problem. Big problem.
However, I want to talk about the one communication issue they had that also drives me nuts. Throughout the interview Vienna basically didn't want to let Jake have a word in edgewise - and when she did stop talking long enough for him to make a comment, she interrupted him or talked over him to make her point or disagree with him. SO MANY PEOPLE do this. In this case it was a big red flag for a crumbling relationship but what about when it happens to you in the work place? Your ability to communicate your thoughts or ideas are seriously hindered when someone with interuptitis is in the room.
For someone with interuptitis, the most important sound is their own voice. Nobody has anything as important to say as they do and they'll make sure you get so frustrated you just give up. I've tried meeting these people head on with the same tactic Jake tried last night "Will you please stop interrupting me?" Which they do until you open your mouth again. Then you just scream in frustration or stomp off in anger.
The reality is - they don't hear you when you talk anyway. You can't force them to listen to you - any time they pause they are thinking about what they are going to say next, not what you are saying now. And I don't really think there is a solution to fix these people - but you can make sure you aren't one yourself. Remember from a previous post - listening is the most important part of a conversation. Be a good listener. Speak softly, it forces other people to pay closer attention. Save your comments for really important observations, and people will start to anticipate your wisdom and let you talk. And if possible, stop inviting Interuptitis to your important meetings.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Communicating Through Conversation
Oh man, I don't know what to say to these people. I'm just going to sit here in my corner and pretend I'm wearing invisibility spray.
Starting a conversation or breaking in on a conversation can be very tough. When I took Dale Carnegie classes 25 years ago we were taught that people loved to talk about themselves, so let them. That's all well and good but you do have to contribute to a conversation to be part of it. Otherwise you start giving people the 'stalker alert' heebie jeebies.
Single person households in the United States increased by 21 percent in the 1990's which might explain why our converational skill set seems to be waning. We have nobody at home to practice conversation with. Well I do - I talk to my dog all the time. I say 'walk' and she runs around in circles. I say 'treat' and she runs around in circles. You can see where this is going.
But conversation with real people requires a bit more skill than a conversation with a dog or cat. I recently picked up a book called The Art of Conversation by Catherine Blyth. She's a funny British woman with some very witty observations about conversation. Her book provides everything from tips on small talk to appropriate topics to the fine art of flattery. At the end of each chapter, she also provides "The Typology of Bores, Chores and Other Conversational Beasts". If you find yourself described in this box, you need to rethink your conversational skill set. Blyth gives rules for each situation and I have to say that reading this little bible of information is fun, it's also very useful.
One thing Blyth and Carnegie agree on is that good listeners make good conversationalists. That doesn't mean you stand (or sit) there with your eyes glazed over nodding. It means you're actually hearing what the other person is saying and your responses continue the conversation, rather than steering it in another direction.
What to talk about
You can be a good conversationalist with just a little work on your part. If you have a dinner party or event to attend, during the day switch your radio to a news station at the top of the hour and listen to the five minute news cast. Read the newspaper - not just the horoscopes and sports, but other sections like entertainment and business. And something that will really make it easy for you to start or carry on a conversation is to have information about something that interests you.
Online is a natural place to look up information about so much stuff - what interests you? Start googling - home decor, home renovations, cars, pets, travel, French cuisine, movies, books, gardening, making stained glass windows, building bird houses. Find out some information on what makes you tick so that you can actually be informed. You'll be amazed at how much better you can communicate when you can have a conversation.
Starting a conversation or breaking in on a conversation can be very tough. When I took Dale Carnegie classes 25 years ago we were taught that people loved to talk about themselves, so let them. That's all well and good but you do have to contribute to a conversation to be part of it. Otherwise you start giving people the 'stalker alert' heebie jeebies.
Single person households in the United States increased by 21 percent in the 1990's which might explain why our converational skill set seems to be waning. We have nobody at home to practice conversation with. Well I do - I talk to my dog all the time. I say 'walk' and she runs around in circles. I say 'treat' and she runs around in circles. You can see where this is going.
But conversation with real people requires a bit more skill than a conversation with a dog or cat. I recently picked up a book called The Art of Conversation by Catherine Blyth. She's a funny British woman with some very witty observations about conversation. Her book provides everything from tips on small talk to appropriate topics to the fine art of flattery. At the end of each chapter, she also provides "The Typology of Bores, Chores and Other Conversational Beasts". If you find yourself described in this box, you need to rethink your conversational skill set. Blyth gives rules for each situation and I have to say that reading this little bible of information is fun, it's also very useful.
One thing Blyth and Carnegie agree on is that good listeners make good conversationalists. That doesn't mean you stand (or sit) there with your eyes glazed over nodding. It means you're actually hearing what the other person is saying and your responses continue the conversation, rather than steering it in another direction.
What to talk about
You can be a good conversationalist with just a little work on your part. If you have a dinner party or event to attend, during the day switch your radio to a news station at the top of the hour and listen to the five minute news cast. Read the newspaper - not just the horoscopes and sports, but other sections like entertainment and business. And something that will really make it easy for you to start or carry on a conversation is to have information about something that interests you.
Online is a natural place to look up information about so much stuff - what interests you? Start googling - home decor, home renovations, cars, pets, travel, French cuisine, movies, books, gardening, making stained glass windows, building bird houses. Find out some information on what makes you tick so that you can actually be informed. You'll be amazed at how much better you can communicate when you can have a conversation.
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